Gender & "It"
I find that I keep mentally writing and rewriting about the one thing that is, I think, valid about what I wrote initially in what became a long and contentious conversation on the iNaturalist forum. My comment became too long for a legitimate comment. I hope that writing it here will allow me to stop ruminating on it. Feel free not to read it.
Note: In the discussion below, I use “it,” “he,” or “she” as representing the related pronouns in its group, e.g. she, her, hers, herself.
Also, note that this post may disappoint you because it's about language, not gender itself. Running my own life is enough trouble; I'm not going to run yours. As far as I'm concerned, you can (and should) use whatever gender-related words feel right for you, help you make sense of yourself. (And by the way, do you have any idea how many genders exist among the bluegrasses? Well, neither do I any more; I've forgotten a lot of what I had to learn for that particular project. But a lot.)
The use of “it” to refer to a human being has a long history as an insult, dehumanizing the person referred to. (By “dehumanizing” I don’t mean simply identifying a person with, say, trees or eagles; I mean that the term has been used as an insult, as a way of denigrating the person, of treating that person as less than human.) “It” as been used, often quite casually, to dehumanize people across lines of race, ethnicity, caste, and gender, as well as in intensely abusive personal relationships. Read, for example the book "A Child Called "It" by Dave Pelzer. This use makes even well intentioned use of “it” for a person problematic.
So what should one do? What follow are my personal opinions, which you may well disagree with, as is your right. (And I'll think you are wrong, as is my right.)
Is it right for you to want to be referred to as “it”? Yes. (Grates on my ear -- sounds like putting yourself down -- but that my problem, not yours.)
Is it right for you to use “it” to refer to another person? Yes, assuming you are doing it because that’s the pronoun the person feels best fits that person’s gender. No, if you’re using it in the more traditional sense, to classify the person with the tables and doorstops.
Is it right for me to us “it” to refer to another person? No. For me, using “it” in this context carries the baggage explained above, and I’m not going to do it. I can tie my sentences in knots to avoid using a third-person pronoun. I can refer to the person by name or as “this person” far more often than qualifies as good writing. In fact, I’ve done these things. But I will not use “it” in this context.
Can “it” be rehabilitated, as my lesbian friends have reclaimed “dyke”? Yes, maybe. The obliviousness many of you express to the negative connotations of using “it” for referring to a human suggests that the process may be well under way. It may succeed. I hope so.
My motivation for hoping so may not appeal to you greatly, but I think you won’t be too annoyed, either. Several decades ago, I had to learn at least the rudiments of a language that had only one third-person singular pronoun. It served the purposes served in English by he, she, and it. The light dawned. As I young feminist, I truly wished English had such a pronoun. Why? Because in order to talk about anyone in English, the very first thing you have to know about that person is gender, as if that is the most important thing about the person. Of course, gender is important! But in some contexts, especially professional ones, it is way down on the list of things that matter. So I want "it" to be available to replace the gendered third-person pronouns.
And what about those newly coined third-person singular pronouns? Good idea. Better than rehabilitating “it,” even. However, I think they have as much chance of general acceptance as Esperanto (google it), another good idea about language. I may be wrong.
By the way, I greatly dislike the use of the plural “they” as a gender-free third-person singular pronoun, but so far it’s the front-runner. Nobody's listening to me. Sigh.
To sum up, if you want to be referred to as “it,” that’s your right. In the shared enterprise that is language, if I consider “it” to have such bad connotations that it should not be used that way, I have the right not to use it for you. In that case, however, I should treat your expressed preference as a flag warning me away from using the obvious alternatives, “he” or “she.”